My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
