Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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