Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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