just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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