I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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