that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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