his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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