you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
