Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
