If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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