They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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