I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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