my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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