My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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