I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize