I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
