so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
