So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
