Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
