You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
