I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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