omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
