No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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