i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
