There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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