ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
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His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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