Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
