Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So apparently I’m into choking now
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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