My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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