oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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