Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
