The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
is wine microwaveable?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
