Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
