Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
