Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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