Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
