I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
