So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
