Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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