so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
