bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
