There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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