Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
