the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
