I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
