I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just puked most of my soul out..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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