ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
