Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
two words: eviction party
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
