you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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