It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
