yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
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