Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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