he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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