R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
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You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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