I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
