no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
