u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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