My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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