I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
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