Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
