I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
