Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
