What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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