roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
