i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
