R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
