My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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