You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
