Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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