No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
