We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
