Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
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Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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