it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
