I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
