he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
