Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
