Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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